File Name: stop reacting and start responding .zip
There are two kinds of overreactions: external and internal. External overreactions are visible responses that others can see for example, lashing out in anger, throwing your hands up and walking away from a situation.
Respond vs. The difference between the two lies in a deep breath, a pause, or a brief moment of mindful presence. That moment can mean the difference between sending the entire situation or relationship soaring to greater heights, or falling down a slippery slope. Responses are more thoughtful. When you respond, you first explore in your mind the possible outcomes of your reply before saying a word.
You may weigh the pros and cons and consider what would be best for yourself and others in the situation. Would you rather be the type of leader who creates a calm and happy environment around you, like the well-behaved dog? Or the kind of leader who is a wild card — totally unpredictable and can cause the people around you stress, like the untrained puppy? Being mindfully present when responding, means you can notice when something triggers you, and you continue to observe yourself as you have an emotional response to the situation.
You are able to distance yourself from the experience and watch your mind react to it. That space could mean a few deep breaths as you allow the reaction to fade and invite your balance to return. Or, it could mean taking a day or a week to cool down and reduce the charge of your emotional response.
Every person and every situation will require a different way of doing this. This is the natural tendency of the human mind — to run on auto-pilot. Creating a short pause before responding to the trigger can help you disconnect from those automatic reactions and change the course of the situation completely. Before you spin into the typical road rage and get bent out of shape, as soon as you notice your energy shift, take a deep breath. What are you feeling? Is it frustration, insecurity, or something else?
In the example of getting cut off on the highway, are you angry? What actually triggered you? Was it the event itself, or could it have been related to a previous judgment you had or a common trigger? This step invites you to bring awareness to your common triggers and blind spots. Often, the emotion is tied to something below the surface of the actual event. When we get cut off … we go into reaction and anger mode. As you take that step back, consider … what matters most in this situation?
What is my goal? And how can I respond in a productive way — a way that will move me closer to my goal? In our example, the most important thing is likely to arrive at your destination safely, and the best way to respond is most likely to let it go and keep yourself collected and attentive for the drive.
Empower yourself to move forward from that place of awareness so that you can invite a healthier, more ecological outcome for everyone involved.
You are building that self-reflective capacity — strengthening that muscle within yourself to respond with purpose. Let me be clear: This is not easy and it takes practice. The goal is to decrease the amount of time you are reactive, and recover your centeredness more quickly. You must realize that you WILL go into auto-pilot when work gets stressful. As with anything in life, it takes practice. Learning to respond vs. When you are not present and when you are stressed out, you caught up in it all and it is more difficult to choose your response.
You can easily lose the boundary between your inner landscape and the context around you. When you are mindfully present, you have access to the space between the trigger and the response.
And in that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. The bottom line is, you have a choice. In stressful situations, you can either respond or react. You cannot do both simultaneously. Which will you choose?
Join my monthly newsletter! If you loved this article, join the monthly newsletter — featuring tips and reflections on leadership development and stress management in the modern world. Thanks for your comment, Rich. I hope your recovery is going well; please let me know if there is anything I can do to support you! Pause for a Mindful cause!
An important lesson that takes practice. But there is progress in practice. Thanks for sharing. The idea of place is very helpful to me right now and I so appreciate the transformational context. Fantastic at the same time very cool and also dynamic way of exploring and explaining the concept I hope it will really help me to take proper decisions and maintain relationships at all levels Thanks alot Melissa.
How do you notice the trigger? I recently reacted before I knew it, I said something I regretted. How does one find this space to think and turn it into a response? To me it seemed like the space came too late, after I already reacted. I always hear and read that we have a choice. Hi Rita. Thanks for your comment. The trick is to learn through practice to pause before you say something you later regret. In this pause, you have the choice.
It can also be helpful to pay attention to how your body reacts. For example, if you notice a tightness in your chest or heat in your face or an ache in your neck before you say something you later regret, it would be important to look for that cue and take it as a reminder to pause.
I hope this helps! Certainly, this does take practice but with practice, comes progress! An incredibly well-done article with a perfect word-picture object lesson.. Yes, this topic is certainly more relevant now than ever.
Sorry — I read now that you have done your homework and the quote is not from Frankl after all. No worries! I looked everywhere for the author and it turns out it is unknown! Hello, Thank you for this information.
I for one have had a serious problem with reacting over the years and it has and it continues to trouble me and others. I thoroughly understand the concept of responding, but I find that I react more commonly especially to stressful work and family situations. Thank you for this as I was just thinking about how I can improve. Hi Danette! You are not alone with being challenged by reacting to stressful exchanges! I hope the framework in this post helps you!
Be well! What should i do when i experience again like this. Hi Pasquee! Great question and I can relate to this! Let me know how it works for you! This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. As an ICF Certified Executive Coach, Melissa partners with leaders to develop their executive presence, strategic and systems thinking, resilience, communication skills, and influence in order to reach their goals.
Melissa is passionate about supporting leaders and teams on their growth journeys toward greater impact, more collaborative teams, and stronger results. Respond Vs. She partners with leaders to develop their systems thinking, resilience, strategic communication skills, and executive presence in order to reach individual, team, and organizational goals.
Learn more about Melissa here. Thank you Melissa. This Mindful Minutes entry is particularly relevant to me right now. Melissa Eisler on July 31, at am. Dan on August 29, at am. Jane on October 9, at am. Thank you Melissa! With gratitude,. Melissa Eisler on October 9, at am.
Enter your mobile number or email address below and we'll send you a link to download the free Kindle App. Then you can start reading Kindle books on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required. To get the free app, enter your mobile phone number. Learn two parenting beliefs about misbehavior that cause you to think your toddler or child is disobeying you. See how your child truly views things so you can be calm and firm instead.
and Start. Responding. Stop. Reacting. Sharon Silver, Parent Educator. Ways to Discipline Consciously and Become the Parent You Want to Be.
Much of our lives is spent in reaction to others and to events around us. The problem is that these reactions might not always be the best course of action, and as a result, they can make others unhappy, make things worse for us, make the situation worse. The truth is, we often react without thinking. Responding , on the other hand, is taking the situation in, and deciding the best course of action based on values such as reason, compassion, cooperation, etc.
Biting is a typical behavior often seen in infants, toddlers, and 2-year olds. As children mature, gain self-control, and develop problem-solving skills, they usually outgrow this behavior. While not uncommon, biting can be an upsetting and potentially harmful behavior. This article will help you to understand the reasons young children bite and give you some ideas and strategies for responding appropriately. Some children bite instinctively, because they have not developed self-control.
Draw text, images, and vector graphics. Embed your own fonts. Even embed and draw pages from other PDFs. If you want to learn React.
As well as serious implications for people's health and the healthcare services, coronavirus COVID is having a significant impact on businesses and the economy. We are working closely with organisations both in the UK and globally to help them prepare and respond. The UK government has published updated sector-by-sector guidance on how a number of businesses in England can open safely from 4 July.
True health comes from listening to your whole self. Emotions , on the other hand, are a little trickier. Virtually all of your thoughts and feelings are conditioned responses to past experiences. Eventually, something will pop up and push you out of your comfort zone. Stop reacting and start responding. Being able to respond with a clear head is extremely important in business, especially in the early stages.
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Emotions, on the other hand, are a little trickier. Virtually all of your thoughts and feelings are conditioned responses to past experiences.
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